SAYING GOODBYE TO MY SPIRIT GUIDES
It Had Suddenly Dawned On Me, That I Didn't Really Know Who My Spirit Guides Were.
It was time to say good-bye to my spirit guides. I figured if they were good angels, then they would understand, that I was no longer allowed to mix with them, because Mackenzie had ruined everything. I blamed Mackenzie, because for years and years, this interaction with my guides had developed and then he appeared on the scene, going right over the top of everything, utilising all the methods of communication that had been built up beween myself and them and exploiting it. He was far more powerful than they were and he just stomped all over everything. I resented him for this, saying inside my mind, I have lost my 'spiritual' innocence. I felt that I had been in a new age Garden Of Eden and that Mackenzie had entered and destroyed all my dreams. It was only much later, that I realised, that waking up from the dream that had been my life, was the best thing that could have ever had happened to me.
They were my angels, my guides, my daimons, but who were they really? Perhaps they may not be who they appeared to be. I immediately went into denial. No. This can't be. But I couldn't risk it. For a moment, I became painfully aware of the danger, the unknown, strangers, a world of encroaching and intensifying darkness, where I had been walking blind, led by beings, who had never really revealed themselves as one might expect, but instead, who had interacted with me day and night, carefully, so gradually, that they had become more and more of everything that I cared about. The Dragon had shown little sympathy regarding my predicament and responded by mocking my stupidity, with a car plate [BLIND1] or 'blind one', followed by the acidic message, you were easily seduced. The Dragon, as predator, saw trust as weakness.
As A Medium, I Had Allowed My Guides To Lead Me, Into A Demonic Deception, With A Blindfold On.
It suddenly dawned on me, that I didn't really know who my guides were. Because they were spiritual beings, I had simply expected that they would be of God. I knew that they were angels, but only because they had told me that they were. What if they had been lying? Once Mackenzie had attacked me, I realised that I didn't really know about them, or whether I was meant to be communicating with them. Who were they? Who were they really? They had told me that they were angels, faeries and guides, ... but how much did I really know about them? And to have been so perfectly trusting of them, for so long a time ... I had just assumed that they were all good. Now I didn't know who was good and who was not good. I only really knew what they had chosen to tell me. The fact was, that I didn't know anything ... I no longer knew what the truth was, only that I was unsafe. Having interacted with them for so long, the feeling of betrayal, was simply too much for me to accept at once.
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Since first memory, they had been there. Had I been deceived by them as well? Regardless, I knew that it was time to say good-bye. I loved them and I didn't want to hurt them, seeing them as magnificent still ... There was a terrible feeling of sadness. All my life had been bound up with them. God had woken me up and I took one look around at the unit and I could feel my guides and I didn't want to say it, but I did ... I was weeping, ... still having a great affection for them, but unable to go on living a lie, that they had led me into. |
"I am so sorry ...," I croaked in a hoarse whisper, into a loungeroom swarming with invisible entities, "Sorry, if I hurt you, ... but I really don't know who you are ... and I am not allowed to talk to you anymore. ... You've all got to go."
And it was with those words, that the chains of relationship [bondage] were first loosened, but painfully so, since it was like I broke my own heart. I felt like I was losing everything, the ones I loved and who loved me. The physical response was almost immediate, as a thousand tiny needles began to prick all over my skin, as if something was biting me, a swarm of insects that I was unable to see ... followed by, what can only be described, as a brutal force, numerous thoughts, a cacophony of invading consciousness, screaming out inside my head, in agonised protesting.
These were not audible voices. They were spirits, personalities, beings, invading telepathic consciousnesses, ... that were not my own. Then I heard thousands of muffled and thundering thoughts, streaming towards my channeling mind, like radio waves to a receiver dish. They came as a great tide of intelligences, that broke in a slow and never ending wave over my thinking. Their thoughts, pushing against my mental fortress, were like swarms and hordes, affecting my own thinking. They were psychic invaders, dismayed, furious, bargaining, pleading, outraged and accusing. They screamed things into my head, that I had no knowledge or understanding of. Without some kind of protective barrier in place, they would have torn me apart.
Contractual Obligation
They whined and shrieked in accusation, WHAT ABOUT THE CONTRACT?! WHAT ABOUT THE CONTRACT?! These were enraged voices of injustice, of these beings who had been somehow betrayed by myself. I felt an awful sense of guilt, at having abandoned the ones that I loved. But I would not be accused of something that I didn't understand. I had no idea what they were talking about ... I shouted back at them telepathically and in all honesty, WHAT CONTRACT? THERE IS NO CONTRACT!
I struggled with this persistant feeling, that I had done something wrong, that I had betrayed them. Meanwhile, multitudes of demonic spirits, began to swarm on my feelings of guilt and confusion. They said things that I was barely able to decipher, amongst the myriad telepathic whines and shouts of injustice and indignation, all aimed at me. Then they turned nasty. YOU ARE A HYBRID! YOU ARE ONLY HALF HUMAN! YOU ARE ONE OF US! YOU BELONG TO US! There were selves inside, who still believed this, due to the slow process of indoctrination that had occurred since infancy. I acknowledged that I was 'human', while reading The New Testament, feeling strangely alone and somehow simple, perhaps even less exciting, in knowing that 'human' was all that I was. I was not one of them. I did not belong to them.
Inside myself, I felt a terrible sense of loss, but I now knew the truth and after that, there was no turning back. During those first moments, I remained in this no man's land, not completely returned to Jesus Christ and yet I was no longer with them.
"WHAT ABOUT THE CONTRACT?!" "WHAT CONTRACT? THERE IS NO CONTRACT!"
During these initial moments of awareness, my mind was awash, with what felt like a billion thoughts, a relentless cacophony of assault, from which there appeared no immediate escape or relief. I did what I could to hold on to my own thoughts, however, in that passive and accepting state of mind, I also believed in things that they told me. It was like someone indoctrinating you, but controlling the chemicals in your mind at the same time, in that you couldn't help but believe the relentless indoctrination. Who could fight or hold up against such an onslaught? What had my mother done? Why were all my family condemned to Hell? What did this have to do with my ancestry? Why did they say that I belonged to them? What was going on?!
The telepathic abuse continued. YOU MOTHER IS A WHORE! They screamed through my mind that my mother had copulated with 'demons' [fallen angels] and that I was a hybrid, no longer half angel [as The Dragon told me Jesus had been], but half demon, like them. They said that this was 'generational', and I was made to think that it had something to do, with it being passed down through my ancestors, that now allowed me to belong to them. The Dragon had told me that he owned me, and that when I died, he would be waiting for me. I was going to be his bride. He wanted to 'partner' with me. But I knew more than anything that he wanted to torture me. This marriage would be consumated in Hell. The Dragon would steal me away, to murder my soul.
YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! YOU BELONG TO US! WE ARE TAKING YOU TO OUR WORLD! They were more powerful than me and they rushed my mind, working en masse. I had believed them, trusted them, grown with them. Now I was waking up from that slow moving dream, that had been leading me to my own destruction, and waking up was far more terrifying than having fallen asleep. I did not want to lose them, but they were monsters. They hated me, blamed me for their pain, because they knew I loved and cared about them. But they did not think, or feel things, the same as I did.
Their Attacks Were Weaker Than Mackenzie & Co. It Felt Like It Took Many Of Them To Keep Me Down.
They did not feel 'love', in the same way that I felt it. It then occurred to me ... that they equated love ... with WORSHIP?! The next day, as I drove into Darwin, The Dragon harrassed me, by having people place their cars at strategic points, in order to communicate, telling me I was MMM [SEXY] and [PURDY] and that the attack that was now taking place was [PLAN B] and that I had entered [AREA C]. It was all well timed and orchestrated, so that I often felt as if I was a rat running inside some kind of maze or labyrinth. The Dragon had later responded with the words [LABRAT], in order to describe my movements and that of other human beings, that he controlled and manipulated inside his matrix, a false reality, that people refer to as 'society'.
PLAN B & AREA C
Thousands of needles continued to prickle me all over my body, as if a swarm of tiny invisible insects were attacking me. Even so, I never really knew if this was them suddenly turning on me, or whether they were still around, or whether they had gone, for I now knew all the demons were deceivers, who can mimic and speak to one another in their grand strategising against me. It was only the timing of this new sensation of pricking and stinging, that led me to believe that they now attacked the one who had rejected them, and even though they were of superior intelligence and they had the advantage, I felt painfully responsible for this situation, and so I did not say a word to them, as my facial skin was pricked by needles and pins. It was very unpleasant, but it was a small attack and I was too tired to fight. So I let it go on.
My main concern, was that I was sorry that I had hurt them and of course they would blame me, if they thought that it would lead to me being emotionally affected in some way. Really, they had the advantage of seeing and knowing me all along, and of eons of human hysteria and knowledge and of being in the presence of God, and here was me, a clumsy piece of dust, with autism, CFIDS, osteoarthritis, barely able to walk on my own, so it struck me that it was I who felt like the giant in the story Gulliver's Travels, with hundreds of the tiny Lillipudlians working on keeping me down. One of them had said that I was, new to this and so they would, destroy me due to my inexperience, meaning, my inexperience as a Christian. While they vastly outnumbered me and Mackenzie & Co. assaulted and humiliated me, I knew that I had at least one thing that they did not. I had the ability to love and I loved God.
The Dragon Was Superior To Me In Every Way, But I Had One Thing That He Did Not Have. I Loved God. |
