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LEAVING THE COLLEGE
Hansel and Gretal Illustration - I Wanted To Live In The Gingerbread House, Deep Inside The Haunted Woods.
My Feelings on The Last Day
I did not want to leave the college. I had enjoyed my interactions with the other students and I felt a degree of tenderness, towards the lecturers. This was all mixed in with my feelings of fear and apprehension about the 'spirit world' and my longing to maintain the connection, that had been set up, between myself and my father, through Helen. There were also 'the spirits' in the college, that I had interacted with. As creepy as they were, I wanted more. I left the college amazed and downhearted. I told reception, that I did not want to leave. In fact, as weird as it was, I wanted to live there. It was about the longing for my father and my obsession for knowledge.
The Arthur Findlay College, was very much like wandering in to a deep forest. The deeper you got in, the more it called you, with a promise of truth, still deeper in. All I could do, was pick up the crumbs, that had been left for me along the way, these crumbs of insight that left me wanting more. I knew that it was getting darker, but I simply couldn't help myself, because of this promise of truth. I did not understand at the time, that there may be a mind behind this truth. I simply believed that God was with me, as I wandered deeper and deeper in and that with God's love within me, I would not come to grief. Therefore, I left the Arthur Findlay College, with these deep feelings of awe, regret and sadness and with Mathew asking, if I would be okay? In a way, I had somehow seen too much and yet not enough. All my senses were heightened and there came upon me, a feeling of helplessness, as if I had been pinned up to a noticeboard and displayed, as to fulfill someone else's purposes.
Thoughts of Edinburgh
As the course came to a close, I started to worry over Edinburgh and whether I should go back there, or not. This struck me as odd, since I had no intentions of going back. But I couldn't stop thinking about it and when I was completely honest with myselves, I knew that the reason I wanted to go back, was to go straight back to the Greyfriars Kirkyard to Mackenzie’s tomb. That night, in my room, I opened a channel of communication, with the other selves and discovered two things. The first was with some of the younger, elemental selves, who seemed fascinated by the presence of Mackenzie. When I asked them why and tapped into their thoughts, they were excited because, they communicated, he was an other worldly being like them, and they rarely got to meet them, in the human world. Ahh, I thought to myself. So he's a daimon? The next self was Sophie, the 'Persephone' of the psyche. While my elementals were open, about why they were anxious to get back, was it her that was harboring the secret attraction? This was of particular concern to me. Then the cluster of selves retreated, their thoughts and desires, vanishing along with them.
Old Town Edinburgh, Scotland.
Right, I thought, Now at least I know a little bit about why there is this unconscious pull to return. As such, I decided not to go anywhere back near Edinburgh. It was with horror and trepidation, that on the last day of college, I remembered that the first section of the itinerary of Jamie George's Gothic Images Tours, before he took us deep into the highlands of Scotland, was that we went back to Edinburgh, for the first day. Oh no, I thought, I can’t believe this. I was then faced with the magnetic attraction, that no matter what, I had to get back to Mackenzie. I now knew what selves this pull was coming from, but the impressions of Edinburgh, were becoming stronger and stronger and I just couldn't stop thinking about it, as their thoughts and desires (programming), began to overtake my own. It was like a tributary, joining up to the main part of a river, as a violent force or flood, leaving me, to be helplessly dragged along by it. But in this case, I became determined to keep my own footing.
The Night That The Painting Moved
The night before we were to leave the college, a psychic mother and daughter team from Ireland, invited me to come with them, to check out what was happening, with the painted portrait of Arthur Findlay. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Come in and see," they coaxed, "... And see if you get anything." I entered the room where the portrait was, whereupon they told me to keep walking in a straight line and to stop at a place where I could feel the strongest energy. I walked right across the entire room and as I neared the far end of the room, I felt the distinct sensation of pins and needles in my legs. I stopped. "It's here," I said. "I can feel it here." "Right," they agreed, "You got it, because that's where Mr. Findlay used to work at his desk." They then told me, to stare at the painted portrait of Arthur Findlay, without blinking. So I looked up at the painting and to my astonishment, the paintwork began to move.
A Painted Portrait of Mr. Arthur Findlay.
The facial expressions of Mr. Findlay, began to waver and shift before my eyes, seemingly in accordance with my own thinking processes. It was obviously some kind of hallucination, but I was curious to see what would happen, so I stayed with it. At first he was friendly, then he appeared to morph into a 'shadow man', with black hat and became stern, as if cautioning me. Then, when the elementals and children from within my multiple psyche became afraid, his entire expression changed and he went back to being warm and supportive again. He was warning us about associating with certain spirits and he was friendly and encouraging me [us], to come back to the college, to study there. "Wow," I said to the Irish women, "That was totally amazing."
The Sitting Room At The Arthur Findlay College, Where I Last Saw Helen.
From there, we went back out into the sitting room area and I just felt the need, to sit quietly with Helen. She was a dedicated student and I wished I could have gotten to known her better. She had done so much for me, in contacting my father and through this interaction, it felt as if a bond had been established between us, even between the three of us. I was sad to be leaving Helen and England behind, with so many unanswered questions and relationships, yet to be established. As we talked, I looked over her shoulder and saw that 'the man' in the museum, had turned on the light again, filling the staircase with his attentive presence. As it turned out, it was too hard for Helen and I to say good-bye to one another, so she just got up and left without saying anything. With much sadness, I knew that I would never see her again.
At The Reception On The Way Out
On the last day, I saw an older man sitting on his own, who had not been part of our course. I looked twice, to make sure he was not a ghost. Then, while in the cafeteria, I looked to my left and there he was again, sitting outside alone. He was looking directly at me. When I entered reception, to book out in the morning, he was there and he asked me to come over. So I sat beside him and we spoke briefly. He showed me a photo of his deceased wife and made a couple of inappropriate remarks. I told him that I only let them slip, since he was so old. Then, just as I was about to leave, he said, "Someone has really let you down haven't they?" I said, "Yes." Then he added, "You know they are sorry, don't you." I said, "Thanks for saying that. I know who you are talking about." I believed that dad was attempting to maintain contact, knowing opportunities were running out, because there would be no more mediums, once I left the college. I would have to find mediums back in Australia.
I left the college, vowing to return for more full time study, as soon as I could, as I walked towards Bishop's Stortford, with some other students, bound for the same train out. It was good to have the company. I did not want to leave. At the same time, it felt like my whole psyche was in some kind of shock. It was oddly negative. But I still wanted more. It was only after I was away from there and on my own again, that I realised that I didn't want the dead. I prefered the company of angels.
On the Way To Glasgow: Bishop's Stortford
Bishop's Stortford Is The Closest Large Town To London Stansted Airport.
Saturday 6th July, 2009: I was on the Way To Glasgow. During my interaction with a guy with Asperger’s Syndrome, at least 15 cars passed, with the number plates 'ET' on them. I thought that it was refering to him being autistic, as autistics were often equated with extra terrestrials. It's either that, I thought, or the fact that everyone on this town, has been allocated the same number plate. I got the words 'Seeng Is Believing' followed by 'ET' over and over again. But I knew after years of having my guides, speak through 'personalised plates' in Darwin, that this was supernatural.
While at the laundrette, in a discussion with two other students, one thought that she had heard me say, 'NOW DAD'. She asked, "What do you mean by 'Now Dad?'" I responded, that I never said it. In fact, the words that I had said, sounded nothing like 'now dad'. Then she didn't understand why she had said them. The aspie guy offered up an explaination when he said, "You just tuned in." After the laundrette, we shared a meal, after which we made our way to the train station. I noticed that people were being nice, as a man helped me up and down the stairs with my suitcase. I waved good-bye to the last of the students from the course, as their faces moved off along the platform, framed in the windows of the train, students I had hardly known and others I had hardly spoken to. Finally, I was alone again. Just me and my big faded emerald green suitcase, that I wheeled along the platform and onto the next train, that would get me closer to King's Cross Station, back in London.
In my journal, I wrote the following: "... Now it feels like each symbol, word and sign, from a glossary that my guides and I have built up, over a five year period, is coming into play. I am involved in a vast web, a network of ongoing interaction and communication, that involves my local and non-local consciousness. To my non-local consciousness, I would be non-local and local and visa versa. We are ‘linked’ and ‘unlinked’, depending on whether it is required, as part of our learning, or continual development and unfoldment. The story progresses, moves forward via energy, interaction and communication. Once we are wide enough awake, we can see that we are assisting each other, in this growth.
Awareness soon leads into acknowledgment, what originally began as a single triple number in a car plate, has gradually become a highway of stars, leading me through galaxies of possibilities. There is much reassurance, in knowing that some consciousness travels beside me, planting trees in fertile terrain and that in partnership, we each decide the course of action to be taken, with each guiding, affirming and guarding the other, against possible pitfalls, along the way. I am a child whose body is small and yet my mind is expansive, containing all the thought of the universes, even in containing this knowledge, I am still an infant and so I am lead by an adult mind and guide, with whom I share telepathic links ..."
Charlotte Sometimes - The Cure. |
