CRYING TO MEPHISTO: THE ASSAULT
"When you're lost I am solely there to share your grief." March of Mephisto - Kamelot
Useless Pleading, Wasted Tears
Sat, 12th Sept, 2009. I was sitting on the floor by my bed at Progress Drive in an utter state of misery and desolation that seemed to have come from nowhere. I felt suspended, as if only partially connected to my environment. At the same time, a heaviness of will bore down upon me, like a opened parachute that I was trapped beneath. I was saying things directed to him such as, "I didn't know. I didn't know what I was doing. I am sorry. I am sorry." Outside the unit towards the mangroves, I could sense him. There may have been one or there may have been more than one. I could not be sure. The only reality would be him coming towards me from the darkness that night. I heard a dog bark twice and when I got back on the pc to read about Djinn/ Demon, a website mentioned that a dog will bark, because dogs see them and human beings can't. But I knew no one at the units actually owned a dog.
I was being told to destroy the photographs that I had taken in the tomb, and that if I didn't destroy them, that they [Mackenzie and Boots] were going to kill me. While I was afraid of the consequences, I refused to do it. There was just no way I was going to destroy those photographs. I felt that I had got them fair and square, and that I had been given permission by him to take them. Ask a paranormal investigator to destroy the evidence and see how far you get. I held a similar mindset and besides I liked them. So I continued whine at the foot of my bed, without doing what they wanted. While this was going on, I was told, by an angel, that the photos were not as important as they were making out, as very soon, these beings were going to be manifesting in front of alot of people, so that these kinds of photos would be commonplace. See, I spoke back mentally, they [meaning the photos] are nothing.
It didn't matter if I had the photos or not, because to put it in my own words, all hell was about to break loose and pretty soon, demons being photographed would be common place. Really, I thought. I suppose that meant them emailing people as well. So I had simply been a bit ahead of my time in that regard, but apparently, not by much. Mackenzie wanting me to destroy the photos was about him having power over me. At the same time, I was not to perpetually stare at them. As when I did, it was like he was still working his way into my mind. I wouldn't let them go. They provided a connection to something that I believed was extraordinary. I had no intention of going back to my old life, as if none of this had ever happened. I wanted to go deeper in to this world. I wanted to know all about them. I wanted the truth.
That night I kept the lights on as usual, but I wasn't capable of doing much aside from getting to the kitchen, or to the bathroom and back to the pc, where I tried to find out what was going on and how to deal with it. I had a bath and I knew that I was being watched just outside the window. So I made sure that I kept a towel wrapped around me. I felt my energy being drained. Soon there would be nothing left of me. I felt like giving up and just too tortured to fight. As I was about to go to bed, I sensed Mackenzie just outside the window, as a large amorphous mass of some kind, as presence. It was him. It was creepy, but it was like in my mind, I was already in an abusive controlling relationship with The Dragon, and so I felt resigned to it and behind my confusion, I did not want to fight. But the situation demanded it of me. So I fought on in a passive defeated way, as one would, when there was no way out.
Hormonal Interference
To make matters worse the confusion in my mind was accompanied by hormonal interference. As well as having my body pricked all over by needles and what felt like splashes of water on my skin, I was extremely 'turned on' for want of a better word.
I resented this intrusion, because it did not match what I was feeling at the time, which was fearful and defeated. I did not know what to do. My hormonal charged body was very unpleasant, so as to be physically painful, and more like a medical condition than a natural response to someomne that you were interested in sexually. Not knowing what to do, I fought back in the only way that seemed appropriate to the situation. I hid myself beneath the darkness of my brown velvet throwover on the bed, leaving all the lights on, and I relieved myself of my painful hormonal burden.
It was degrading. I was being controlled and manipluated by someone more powerful and intelligent than me. He had the ability to affect time, space, physical matter, and my consciousness. My mind was under acute willful seduction as my body was attacked hormonally, and on top of that, I had to do something physically degrading, as I sensed his presence very close now and sometimes inside the bedroom. As I relieved myself, I focused on blackness. I was determined not to have him become part of what I was doing, or to project any of his mental images into my mind, and my fighting attitude, at least what was left of it, was, screw you, this is my body and my house and I can do what I damn well like. There was only a moment where lost focus and he immediately responded with a full colour projected picture that had me on a stone slab in front of robed and hooded people. With horror and disgust, I thought, he's projected the scene of a human sacrifice into my mind. I blacked it out, and once I had completed the sexual task, I felt that his grip on my mind, or at least the hypnosis that I was under, had let go, which indicated that it was desire driven, even if I did not know what exactly towards, ... my body was being used.
Physical Attack
I remained under the throwover, turned onto my side, then onto my tummy and I closed my eyes with the light left on. I was almost asleep. It was around 10.30pm.
Then, just at the point where my mind would have turned over into sleep, he made his move. It was swift and murderously hard. He lunged on top of my back and with one arm, he slammed me face down onto my bed, and then with the lower half of his body, he smashed his half erect penis into the back of my left thigh six times, with the full force of his lower body behind it. I gasped as my heart pounded in my chest.
As I floundered and struggled to became fully conscious, he flew off me. I felt that he had wings as he flew off me, although he may have just leapt straight into the air.
He was not human. He was ancient. He was full of malice. He was also 'afraid.' His lower body felt soft and fur or material lined. If material it was very thin like tissue, and if fur, it grew downwards, smooth and close to the skin, and his penis, ... it seemed like a cat's penis. As I became fully conscious, a large eye opened up on top of my own eye before I could open it, but it wasn't me that spoke. It was Miriam - a non human self in our multiple system. She growled in a huge gutteral voice "GET OUT!" Then I leapt up saying, "GET OUT!", with both fists cuffed. The thumping episode lasted about ten seconds. It totally stunned me. I was in a state of shock.
It did not occur to me, that while he had jumped me just as I was falling sleep, at around 10.30pm, it was now 8.30am. So while I had floundered to wake up from what had felt like a ten second assault, a full ten hours had passed. Yet my shock and confusion were not in vain. During those ten seconds, I had been able to read alot about my attacker. Firstly, I knew that he was not human. His telepathic mind was human like, but his body was, it felt like part cat and part bat. I did not see him, so I cannot give a visual description. But from having him jump onto my back and in feeling his body against mine, I estimated that his height would have been at least 6 feet 2 inches, with his torso being longer than mine. His arm was very strong, yet the lower half of his body was kind of light, as if trailing off into nothing. What I felt were his emotions. The first was animal malice. He hated me and he wanted me dead. And the next, which suprised me, was fear. Later when I 'telepathically' spoke to him saying, You've ruined everything! Why did you do that to me?, a single word came up on my computer monitor in a calm response. In his eyes it was all about:
RESPECT
I was outraged. I communicated telepathically, Well, I am sorry, but that is just not the way we do things [conduct relationships] in the human world! No response. But I sensed him ... poised and waiting, just on the other side of this reality, intelligent and ready to strike with murderous force, given the opportunity. While the situation had become 'an acceptable reality' for me to participate in, since I was used to interaction the 'spirit world', there were the moments where I was overwhelmned, suddenly and simply unable to cope psychologically with any of it. Apparently, he was angry that I had relieved myself and then fallen asleep, rather than be with him. While inside the situation, it was normal. Outside of it, I thought, right, half human, and ... half bat ... a lesson on 'respect'? ... no, no, no ... this is just bullshit!
[Update 2013: The Dragon Sent This Image Via Email, At A Later Date, As A Joke. Note That It Is The Same Looking Man That Mackenzie Uses To Represent Himself In The Past In Advertisements On Billboards etc]
Phonecall To Sydney
I then rang my mother in Sydney and I made the mistake of telling her about his penis size and she said, "You shouldn't laugh about that." I said, "yeah. I know." Then I thought, God. I am sorry for saying that. I was reeling from shock, that he was not a human being. But the more I tried to be non-judgmental about his anatomy, the more I continued to laugh. I was terrified of the repercussions, because I knew he was listening, but I was simply unable to deal with the situation and so, for those few moments, while I spoke to my mother, I chose to lose my mind. I mean to say, ... a cat's penis, or was it a bat the size of a man? My mother was clearly afraid for me.
I was then inundated with Viagara email spam. This went on for awhile and the worse I felt for having said it, the more it infuriated him. Not having any idea of love, he could only latch into something I would say or think, that was closer to his level of thinking, which was derogatory and/ or hateful. But it wasn't fair either, because I could not have any thoughts to myself, without him displaying, in some way or another, how he was attempting to direct my thinking ... and then mimicking or responding to me in order to taunt and threaten. The Dragon possessed a sardonic and viscious sense of humour. After this incident, the threats were focused on sexually satisfying women. But it was not lust that he experienced. He wanted to tear my soul apart. Later he was to send a sarcastic email, from an address that didn't exist, to an address that didn't exist, with an incorrect date, saying that ...
He was also to make out that, ... The introductions were taking a little long. There was no grief in him over my discovery, or the rejection, just more malice, more determination and even more willingness to enter into war. He wanted me to fight back. But I didn't believe in an enemy, and aside from what I had done in that moment, I didn't know how to fight back ... I said, "I don't want to fight. LEAVE ME ALONE!" He hated me for this weakness. Then again, he hated me for everything I was. He was a highly intelligent telepathic being whose soul and fate were twisted into deformity by what felt like eons of malice. In short, Mackenzie was deranged.
So did Mackenzie, whom my angels had said was on a CONQUEST, also require the respect of his target? He had fed off my fear and pleading and just when he thought he could extert his will over me, I had relieved myself of the hormonal burden. This had obviously infuriated him into making a sudden move on me, that had not been intended and I knew that by his swift departure, that he didn't quite know how to deal with me either. But I was not crying, just a little less afraid. My mind was really in shock, thinking, what the hell am I dealing with? and what am I going to do now?
[Update 2013: The swift departure of Mackenzie, the demon 'knight', from Edinburgh, Scotland, after the ten second violent assault, may have been brought about, by the fact that, as I became fully conscious, he lost the ability to exert his will and thoughts over my own. As my eyes opened, it felt like a closing door, that he had to escape back through. It had wondered why, he would be frightened of me ...]
An Email From The Dragon Mocking Mackenzie's Failure To Maintain My Interest On A Sexual Level. |
