DEAD IN THE WATER
His Insidious Invasion Of My Psyche Was Like A Seeping Tide Of Black Ink. I Was Unable To Wake Up From It.
It was becoming too hard to resist, the pull into this never ending whirlpool of dark consciousness. It was difficult to keep afloat, to keep the head above water. There was an acute calmness approaching, a vapours fog of of unblinking predation, at the approach of the fallen angel, as his mind enveloped us, and contained us, as if he was the home that we now lived in. [Update 2013: Preface: Throughout this testimony I am writing from a viewpoint that I held at the time, so that the reader can get an understanding of where I was at in my development as an unsaved person and then as a saved Christian, and the events that were to lead to me being saved by Jesus.
In regards to this spiritual attack, there were 3 entities involved, that being a fallen angel whom I had known since infancy. I do not have a name for him, only that God's holy angels refered to him as The Dragon. I did have an ongoing and complex relationship with him. There were also 2 demon knights of Apollo [Mackenzie & Boots] who came after me from Edinburgh. Once they returned, having gotten into trouble for what they did, The Dragon [fallen angel] mimicked Mackenzie Knight [demon]. The Dragon had been there since I was born. He became my father [groomer/ handler], from a young age. I had no choice in the matter. Now he was about to claim his prize.
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"... Girl I've known you very well
I've seen you growing every day
I've never really looked before
But now you take my breath away ..." |
"... Is That Really You, Daddy?" "Yes, Child", He Replied. "I Am God."
Cradle Song Oppression
In my journal I wrote the following: "...But as time moved steadily on at 91 Progress Drive in Nightcliff, I was moving rapidly beyond all concern and beyond all time. The cradle of my soul was being rocked by a gargantuan consciousness, every part of my being was being given into him. It felt like death was love, scary but without the fear, the senses now dulled into a kind of non-existence, where I was becoming more conscious of his will, rather than my own. I had always known it was all about him.
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There came what appeared to be the final moment, when I was conscious of simply letting go. I was on my own, the radio was booming out these hypnotic pounding lyrics, many of which were directly related to my meeting the demon Mackenzie Knight, or his vision of me outside the tomb. The emails and my Ebay sale names were imbued with him, me and our relationship. It was becoming very difficult, to hang on to my own thinking. |
The Cradle Relates Back To When I Was Abused By These Ancestral Demons As A Baby.
I was worn down by almost a decade of full time enchantment and ongoing moment by moment interaction with spirits. I drifted as an outcast in this world, yet not fully part of their own. I knew that I should not let go, but as the dark hypnosis came on, it seemed easier to just give into it, like being dragged out into the slow consuming tide of a swamp into his psychic territory. I suddenly made a grab for the side of the refridgerator, with my head resting against the cold white steel, as the trance music throbbed out from the ghetto blaster overhead, and here I was falling into him. "I'm sorry," I murmured to my angels, as a tiny part within me knew, that I was beginning to seriously fail them, my future with them now forfeited and it seemed like it was of my choice, my own free will, that I would finally allow myself to drown in this slow black ink of his becoming, the twilight lullaby of the tarantula, the fangs of malice for a moment exuding the sweetest poison, before turning into knives of death ..."
My First Real Cry For Help
He had picked his target well. I had no close family, friends or acquaintances. I had been communicating with 'angellic beings' for many years, and I no longer had any interest in human beings. The abduction process was a slow and insidious one, a well constructed and calculated plan, that I had been largely unaware of, since I appeared to be under some kind of involuntarily paralysis or enchantment, where I could not see clearly and where I was made to forget things. Still, I had remained curious and unafraid, desirous of more interaction, with only brief moments of lucidity, where I had surfaced for air. I believed that I had kept a respectful distance from him, even while back in Edinburgh. Perhaps I should have been more afraid than I really was.
I just knew that the universe was ultimately good, which is why the character of Mackenzie had both bewildered and fascinated me. Meanwhile, he had studied me intently and took every opportunity to take advantage. He seemed to have lost control, to have followed me back to Australia, and to have come after me while I was fully conscious. But still, he had been cautious, like each maneuver was at a cost to himself, and like he was doing something, ... that he wasn't meant to be doing.
"... Suddenly you're in my life
part of everything I do
you got me working day and night
just trying to keep a hold on you ..."
"... Oh say you'll always be my baby
we can make it shine, we can take forever
just a minute at a time ..."
To make matters worse, something appeared to be very wrong with my hormonal functioning, where my body was placed in a permanent and heightened state of sexual arousal. This seemed to coincide with the feeling that I was losing my mind to him. I attempted to function on a normal day by day basis, but he was relentless. While I got tired, he never got tired. It got to the stage where I no longer tried to remember who I was. I was giving in to him, my mouth filled with dirt. As I fell against the fridge in the kitchen at Progress Drive, I knew that I was doing the wrong thing, but I felt that it would be just easier to give into him. I was finding it harder and harder to fight him off. It was like wading through invisible force of liquid air.
I fought this intrusion of thoughts, at the expense of even being able to dress myself. I was attempting to stop myself from drowning, by rapidly intaking and absorbing as much information as possible and then attempting to process whatever I was being given, into something that made sense to me. I could not turn this thinking off.
The most confusing thing was ... where were they coming from? ... and why was there all these references to demons and such that I didn't believe in? I cannot be exactly sure when or how the attempt at possession began. It seemed like one moment, I was who I always was and then the next moment, I was paralysed inside the unit that I was renting, as a chaotic cacophony of thoughts began to overtake me, thoughts that were not my own. But at the time, I did not even think in these terms. My only thoughts were of clinging onto the rocky cliff's edge of my waivering consciousness, as wave after wave washed over me, drowning me into themselves.
Becoming Persephone
The Dragon both cocooned and smothered me, forcing his thoughts upon my own. He was obssessed about my supposed 'nurturing' of Mackenzie at the tomb and how I was the light in the darkness of his life ... until I felt myself being drawn towards him again, his neediness, his helpless, and his intelligence. I held onto the fridge thinking, mistaking The Dragon for the demon Mackenzie, since I was being forced to focus on what had occured in Edinburgh. Demon, ... no, this is not a man, this is not human. But then it no longer mattered and just couldn't seem to snap myself out of this line of thought. I felt secure and afraid simultaneously. I just couldn't get out from beneath his will, and I no longer knew if I wanted to, as I was lulled into the deepest part of an ongoing dream, to be experienced by myself and dictated by him.
I wandered, in the pink and brown twilight of mud and flesh, that had become the air that I was breathing, in the oceanside unit. The blinds had been drawn for many months, so that I had grown accustomed to darkness, an ever increasing darkness that seeped into my life, both inside and out. But this eased in, like a thick layer of organic fog. A fog that held eons of knowledge that presented itself as a perpetual mystery, drawing several of us, as a system of consciousness, deeper and deeper in.
My first real cry for help came in the form of an apology. It was directed at my angels, whom I also refered to as my guides. I knew that I was doing them a disservice. I cried out to them within my fading mind. I said, ... I am so sorry, but I don't think that I am going to make it, to be able to do, what you wanted me to do.
What I meant by this, was that I believed they had planned for me in become one of them ... that they had been training me to be an angel in heaven, to work for God and to sing in a heavenly choir, that sang songs of love to God. I am sorry, I thought to them, I am not going to make it. I was suprised when they suddenly answered me back full of apology and concern. They said, ... we are very sorry for what is about to happen to you, but you are now going to have to learn the hard way. I thought, what did they mean by that? Was something bad going to happen to me? Then, I simply forgot what these angels had said, or that they even spoken to me in the first place.
Once this was forgotten, moments later, it didn't matter to me that I was going to learn the hard way, or that I would now be allowed to be exposed to some kind of terror. Nothing at all mattered until I came to my senses. Even then, with my mind in a stare of complete dissociation, for a moment, something, a mind greater than my own, had loosened its grip and I was briefly able to recognise myself as being human.
"... There are stories old and true
of people so in love like you and me
and I can see myself
let history repeat itself ..."
"... Reflecting how I feel for you
thinking about those people then
I know that in a thousand years
I'd fall in love with you again ..." (Bee Gees)
More Than A Woman To Him
I did not give into him sexually. Instead I had gone into shock. He posed as many things, amongst them a Romeo. But this was not desire. It was attempted murder. The manipulation of my body chemistry was only in order to bring me under his control. My sexuality did not interest him. He did not care whether I was a man or a woman. It was my mind, my heart and my soul that was the trophy. He would simply become the very thing that captivated me, so that my focus remained upon him.
As he had bragged to me online, "I have been studying human psychology for a very long time." And while he didn't say it outright, I knew that he would prefer that I got rid of my physical body altogether, because once I was free of it, then I would come into direct contact with him, where he would be able to overpower me. Meanwhile, I was terrified that he would actually materialise, in order to try and achieve the same end, while I was still physically alive. When I had told my mother I was 'going to the fourth dimension', over the phone, I had no idea that I would have to die in order to do so! He had claimed ownership over me. He intended to take me to Hell with him.
[Note: Update: 2010: The Dragon & Co. used this song by the Bee Gees when he was stalking me. Some synchronicities can be explained. In this case The Dragon had visited my mother in Sydney the week before, where he had heard her playing it. He had then momentarily possessed the DJ of the local radio station in Batchelor, who then played it over the intercom (that was connected to the local radio station), at the exact moment I had entered the local store. It all has to do with knowledge and timing. When I looked up the lyrics online, I saw that they were refering to the relationship that angels had with women when they took them as wives in (Genesis 6:2) There were also several other personal references that I understood. The Dragon was very sardonic in his approach. When I laughed he asked, "Do you like my style?"
Bee Gees - More Than a Woman [Long Version] |
