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THE ENGAGEMENT WARS [3]: I HAVE PLANS FOR YOU
The Advice Giver
The Dragon suddenly became very vocal. He sent me a message through the pc, 'Cleaning up the environment begins with your room." This was followed by an observation of my habits, 'you are obssessed with your nails.' I thought, how dare he? That he would actually speak directly to me ... I don't know what I had expected after years of being involved with guides, spirits and angels ... yet, when they finally did speak loud and clear, both within my own mind via telepathy corresponding with synchronised events and images placed in my external physical environment, I didn't know how I felt about it, or if I was ready ... There was a big difference between playing all the little games from 2005-2009 to him actually exerting himself over me.
I felt like I was being impinged upon. Meanwhile, The Dragon delighted in my ability to make very quick associations between objects in my physical environment, with him as the supernatural tutor, who had expertly manipulated both. He now took full responsibility for making me into something. He was vain. I had rarely experienced his petty side and when I had, I had simply put it down to the faeries being naughty.
Perhaps I was ready. But I wasn't ready for him. In the past, it had felt like the communication had been all on my terms somehow, with them doing new things, very very gradually and simply answering questions or desires. Before going to The Arthur Findlay College, I had never attempted to contact my 'angels' directly. Also, his comment was petty and this had both suprised and disappointed me. He had obviously followed me to my appointment with Kim at Hibiscus, when I got my nails infilled. He seemed fixated by my teeth and nails. Meanwhile, I was under some kind of mind control, where I was taking onboard every dart that he threw my way.
I directed my thoughts back at him, thinking that he was Mackenzie Knight. Who are you to criticise me? You scratch and bite people in a cemetery and hide and wait for them on tours, so you can push them down. At the time I believed that this had no affect on him emotionally and that any interaction would only serve to excite him to rage. He only said things to gage my response and to keep my focus on him and I felt him studying me, intently, day and night. He wrote to me that I had, 'very unkissable lips.' At least I have a physical body, You don't even have a body. I told him to 'get lost'. But any show of anger only seemed to excite him. He wasn't going anywhere.
A Lion In The Night
In regards to Mackenzie Knight, he had his own way of behaving. He was predatory, voliatile, changeable, inexhastable, impulsive, chaotic and unrelenting. Whereas, The Dragon was more calculating, sophisticated, laid back ... like a giant black bird eating tarantula, waiting in the centre of a very large web. His favourite thing seemed to be to label himself and to label me in any number of romantic or partnership roles, that's when he wasn't otherwise preoccupied, by slandering me and putting me down. He attempted to win me over with cliché, then threaten to kill me when I didn't comply. He was both intelligent and deranged. With Mackenzie, it felt like I was being followed, harassed and bulled by a 15ft high Jack The Ripper who was not fully human, but who had a tiger, puma or a lion's head on a human body.
The Dragon Would Leave Books In Plain Sight Where I Would See Them When Shopping.
Then Dragon became very talkative. He went on and on and on about the ring that had materialised in thin air, being zirconia rather than diamond. He simply couldn't believe that I had settled for that, when I could have had a diamond. This irritated me. I didn't care less what he said. I loved the ring. It was the thought that counted. Then he went on and on and on about the words 'bright star' [Rosslyn Chapel], how the star wasn't so bright, how many other stars were brighter and so on. I thought, he's highly intelligent and he's trying to do my head in and so I stopped reading stuff online as directed by him and turned off my thinking. He never got tired. As far as his accusations, it was as if he couldn't help himself, but to perpetually accuse me.
Each time I went to bed, I put on the ring that my guides had materialised and focused on Gawain [aka The Dragon]. But my dreams began to change, as if there was this constant overriding presence. It was not part of my system of multiple consciousness. But is was there, breathing and conscious and all my thoughts were being directed towards images supplied by it. I was shown yellow roses dropping one by one, car plates, signs and synchronicities based on himself and what he offered.
During the day I began to have thoughts that were not my own. I was told that I was half demon/ that my family were all damed to Hell. That I was promised to the Devil. It began to take all my energy to either counteract or channel these thoughts. It was a challenge to focus on what it was I had to do, without these interferimg thoughts occurring. There were mixed in with feeling of great agony and suffering of the people of Greyfriars Kirkyard, including Mackenzie's own suffering. I thought that I might be suffering from something called a 'spirit attachment' and perhaps even a partial possession. I received a series of spam emails that continued this theme, with subject lines such as, 'I'm your Darker Side' and 'Freddie'. Even as I typed this, a spam came through with, 'I'm alone here ... just come.' Then it was a song, 'This town is like a ghost town.' The Dragon had previously refered to Darwin as Sign City.
He loved my fighting spirit and kept inciting me to fight him on the beach. They watched me and mocked me day and night and there were hours when Mackenzie was not there, back in Edinburgh perhaps, ... but then he would come back and it got creepy. I was being held 'spiritual hostage' by an unseen sexual predator, who was attempting to control my mind and my body. His pornographic side was meant to turn me on, but it was crude and disappointing. He thought it was what I wanted and kept attempting to convince me of the fact, that in the truest sense of my nature, I was no better than him. He wanted me to worship him as a god at the same time.
The Unseen Force Was Focused On Sophie And She On Him So We Kept Her Hidden.
It was a force coming down upon me, so that walking from my bedroom to the kitchen felt like wading, so that my strength grew weak at the knees. I wanted to get away but I couldn't resist him. I felt drugged as he perpetually attempted to overthrow my mind. Where I should have been walking I was crawling. Where I should have been thinking I was befuddled. It was like an enforced seduction, with one wrong thought or feeling by myself towards him and he would come down on me like a tarantula. And the emails were relentless with less and less time between my regular emails and the emails he would send from an address that no longer existed to an address that no longer existed, that would then end up in my Inbox, sometimes with the correct date and other times both the time and date were incorrect. Then a song would come through on the doof doof radio station, to communicate something:
Icy chills round your heart
A heart that's made of stone
It seems like
Life is out to get you
To destroy what you want
I know that, that you blame me for all that you go through
It could be, so different if you would just let it go
You're all alone
Running out of ways to
Hold on to hope
And it always slips away
You're all alone
But you don't have to
Pretend to cope
There is a brighter way
If you would change your perspective
You'd see that it is true
Life is not always what you want
Sometimes it's hard to bear
I'd be with you, and help you in all that you go through
I love you, let Me change your heart by coming in
Let me change your heart by coming in?! There were many songs, coming through on that radio station. Songs all about us. Songs all about the situation. Songs from him to myself. He was using the lyrics as a form of communication. He was trying to indoctrinate me with them. To make me listen to the words and have me believe in them. To dictate the reality of the situation. The Dragon & Co. knew all the songs. That was what amazed me. It was like they knew everything about my family, my history, my ancestry and all about my psychology. They knew about everything in human society. They were running the entire show. The Dragon sent me an email:
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