A SLOW SEDUCTION WHIRPOOL DRAWING ME IN [2]: MY MUSE REVEALED
Not In My Wildest Dreams Did I Believe That Dragons Might Actually Exist But In Another Dimension.
My Muse Revealed
The Dragon talked about the 'introductions that had taken a little long', but he had never revealed himself to me. All my life he had been in my mind, gently singing his seduction and terror into me. The programming had started early. Had he been responsible for turning one into many? We were a multiple system, with Daniel as the poet and from a very young age, we had been associated with a pet dragon whom we called 'Harbinger', who represented as funny and harmless, an internal playmate from another world, but it was a world, so he had told us, that we also belonged to. As we grew older and fulfilled our programs, The Dragon began to emerge in both our poetry and artwork, slowly but surely unfurling his great dark spiritual wings over our consciousness. He was gradually revealing himself as the father and terror of us all.
It was like waking up beneath the ground, of a shallow grave, or a stagnant pond, in a forest of tendrils, earthbound and rooted to nature, romanticised through poetry, but this was the cold earth only, never a nurturer, a sustainer, or a mother. We were eating the dirt that he fed to us. He spoon fed us false medicine, deadly spiritual poison. For many of us, there was no questioning and no hiding, that we, in fact, had always belonged to him. There were always only moments of recognition of a world beyond our own, but any glimpse we had, was swept quickly and darkly away ...
Another Channelled Poem Found On A Piece Of Scrap Paper.
I was finding poetry written by Daniel and poetry, so much poetry, influenced and directed by him [The Dragon]. There was the draft to a novel called Holy City where humans began to grow wings from their backs, evolving into angels. There was a poem called 'The Tragedy of Samael.' There was the love poetry written for him. These were words written long before the trip to Scotland. He had been around for a long time, perhaps, we suspected, even before our conception. The tragedy of the deeply enchanted and inspired mind, was that it was all so very beautiful. He made a world inside us rich and dark with unimaginable beauty, caverns of sparkling jewels. But several of us wanted out of the dream that he had spun around us. There was a murmur of doom that ran through the system, that we were lost inside his castle.
Inside The Program
His cruelty was only matched by his seduction. I was trying hard to wake up from the dream, and at intervals I was floundering, rising from a murky pond, spluttering out the choking weed of his prison. He was all I had known, he who had made this world worthwhile and a pleasure to live in. So how was I to now seperate myself from him?
He Was In Charge, But The Fact That He Bought An Army [Of Orbs] With Him, Was Not To My Liking.
Yet he would say anything to harm me, the only emotion seemed to be predation. Still, I insisted on pleading with him. His only enjoyment seemed to come from his ability to have complete power over me and he was ceaseless in his cause, day and night with only a few hours relief from dawn until noon, or soon after, when I finally fell asleep from exhaustion, past caring whether I lived or died. The Dragon used a billion names for our relationship [including Mackenzie's], which seemed to be his primary obssession, aside from how evil and forsaken I was. He was either telling me how evil I was, or and how great and powerful he was, or stalking and commenting on me for his own pleasure. While he would perpetually suprise me with his vast intellect, he was cyclical and unbalanced, emotionally reactive in all the negative ways. Subtlety was not one of his strong points and bringing me down to his level in partnership, or beneath him as his kind, was his one sad obssession. He did this through attacking my sense of worth, in that I was not worthy of living. This was not momentary psychosis, it was a spiritual invasion, powerful, opportunistic and parasidical. To whom it was a [CONQUEST], in which I did not want to participate. There was a raging war that seemed to involve a deep malice of all that was human.
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Sometimes I/ we were stronger than others, depending on who was conscious. How dare they continue to pose as gods? But The Dragon and now Mackenzie and Co., seemed to think that they could do anything they liked and have me like a puppet on a string, that reached from this lowly earth into the heavenly realm. But this was their war, it was not my war! I didn't want this! |
I Didn't Trust Anyone, But I Felt Powerless, To Act In My Own Best Interest. It Was Not In My Programming.
As for his hatred, it was sharp and provactive. It would increase and decrease for periods of time. The pain of hatred alternating with the pleasure of hatred when his talk of hurting me was being fulfilled. But in the end, it all amounted to undying hatred, like a storm raging across the desert, that while changing in strength and intensity, never seemed to burn itself out. By September 2009, almost 3 months since Greyfriars, I was slipping away into my own death, which was something I had never planned to do. I was being drawn down into my own mind, now held my the mind of another. It was a dark crevice of the rock, that once vanished into, would be lost from sight and from this world, into the world at the centre of the planet.
It was not a gradual progression of worldly events, but more like a leap in time that was forgotten. We were a system of selves playing leap frog over the minds of each other, under the guidance of one who professed to be the closest we ever had to a father. If I had wandered in too quickly to his ways and his words and his worlds, I did not know. In retrospect, it was like I had it seen the dark tide coming and yet I was suprised as it slowly began to fill my lungs. Here I was dealing with a vast and timeless intellect, knowing all things about us. There was no struggle and relief guiding me towards the end, the omega of my existence and the alpha of his own.
A Date With Destiny
I Did This Artwork To Represent My Situation. It Was How He Saw Us Both. There Was A Child Involved. |
